Tuesday, October 2, 2007

A New Day

When I woke up this morning, I was nervous and excited all at the same time. Today, we met with some ladies from a waiver program designed to help families care for their children in their homes rather than just putting them into a nursing home or a similar facility. If we are accepted into this program, we will receive paid respite care (babysitting/relief) by a nurse, an allowance to make some modifications to our home (bathtubs, doorways, etc.), medical equipment not covered by Medicaid, and what we need the most, Medicaid.

I think the meeting went well, and I am sure we will be approved. The entire process takes about 2 months and we will have to put SugarMonkey into a nursing home over 1 night. But I will be able to stay with him. No sweat.

After the ladies left, I just had to cry a little. Fighting for Stephen to get the help he needs has been a very long battle. It has taken its toll on all of us. God is rewarding us for our patience, even if it was shaky at times.

I have to remind myself daily that God is in control. He has shown us His power so many times in our lives. Things have always worked out for us. They have only happened the way I thought they should a couple of times. Most of the time I have had to learn to wait or do without. So when I am discouraged by the way things are unfolding, I remind myself to look back at my life and see that God has never failed me. Then I am able to...

Keep it in perspective.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Something Lost

I often comment about being caught up in the drudgery of our daily lives. But something I have only recently started noticing is how we can actually lose important things by not paying attention to where we are going. Marriages can be damaged when we forget what made us fall in love in the first place. We turn around and our children are suddenly grown while we worked so hard just to make sure they had every thing we thought they needed. Friends become virtual strangers.

I am sad to say that in my case I have lost myself. It has been such a long time that I have had to worry about my family and their needs, that I have forgotten my own. Don't misunderstand what I am trying to say. I want to take care of them, and I am the one who has chosen to carry that load. But, I have done it at the expense of my spirit, my self-worth, and my sanity. It has been a dark and lonely path at times, yet I was always confused as to why it was happening.

The light has finally come on, and I am understanding now what I have to do to find ME again. First, I am a child of God and I desperately need to be close to him. Sure I talk about Him, but He hasn't been an active part of my life for some time. Second, I accept that I am NOT Superwoman, and I do not have the physical strength to do everything. Third, I deserve to treat my body with dignity and respect, including eating healthy and exercising. Forth, I the midst of providing fun and enjoyment for my family, I must also find it for myself, even if I have to be alone to do it. As you may have guessed, I am trying to get back to painting. It brings me so much happiness when I am doing it, and I can actually make a little money for the family at the same time. So, I think I will start posting pictures of some of my work each time I blog. I hope you enjoy them.

I pray that in the days ahead you will look at what might be lost in your life. You may not have realized it was even gone. Just remember that the best way to give all of yourself to others is to make sure you are complete and whole to begin with. And always look for ways to...

Keep it in perspective.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

The Amazing Brain

This is the brain of the beautiful and amazing little boy from the last post.

On Monday, July 30, 2007, he had his 7th seizure. The first since March 11th. But this one was different. He was conscious, responsive, trying to talk, and regained head control during the seizure. This is an image from the CT scan they did at the hospital. It should be all gray in the middle.

If I knew how to do it, I would put a picture of his first MRI on here for comparison (all I have are films). Just look at this one and imagine mostly black, outlined in a thin layer of gray, with the white on the outside. The gray is the brain matter, the white is the skull, and the black is fluid.

Is it any wonder they said he would most likely be a vegetable? And yet there he is. He laughs, sings, talks, signs, plays, and makes jokes. Physical development has been slow, but even that is improving.

I don't question whether or not there is a God. Only He could create such a complex and delicate organism. It defies all understanding and controls functions we don't even think about. Intelligent design requires an intelligent creator.

Needless to say, the doctors at Children's Hospital were stunned to see how much improvement he has made over the last 2 years. They were also very pleased with his high functioning skills. The neurologist's jaw dropped when I told him that Stephen had signed "Momma, turkey", then when I asked him if he had just called me a turkey, he smiled and signed, "Yes."

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Just your average post

I am not very happy tonight. Some not so nice things are happening in our church and I am quite sad about it. I need to take some time to gain proper perspective.

So, instead, I thought I would share a couple of pictures of my Sugar Monkey that were taken back in May by my friend at Chelfspace. I "stole" them from her blog with her permission. Thanks Chelf!


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Courage to Live

So often, I find myself caught up in the tedium of life. Another load of laundry, another sink full of dishes. Did my kids get their schoolwork done? Did I remember to pay the electric bill? I wish I had enough money to remodel my kitchen, or I wish I had more time to exercise.

We go along doing the same old thing, never suspecting that it could all fall apart in the blink of an eye.

About a month ago, that blink happened to my sister and her family. They were trying to decide what color pavers to put in their garden. Should they match the stained concrete or the brick? Suddenly, none of that mattered as my brother-in-law started staggering and drooling out of the side of his mouth. Jen and the boys started laughing, thinking he was playing around. But as fear filled his eyes, she knew it was serious. At only 31 years old, Darrel was having a massive stroke.

The irony was that the following day was the 9 year anniversary of Jen's diagnosis with a brain tumor. Her boys had almost lost her, and now they could lose their dad.

Do I have the courage to get up and live every day as if it were my last? Do I take the opportunity, no matter how small, to savor life? Am I moving down the path that God has set before me, or do I merely sit and complain about the bumps, the holes, and how bad my feet hurt?

It isn't always easy to see beyond ourselves. Inside, we can be safe and in control. But if we are always looking in, we will miss the glory of the world around us. Take it in, embrace it, and have the courage to...

Keep it in perspective.

By the way, Darrel is doing very well, and is expected to make a full recovery within six months.

Friday, June 15, 2007


What is a friend? Someone to rely on? The one person who can tell you that that outfit looks silly on you, but makes you laugh while they are saying it? Do they tell you that you are wrong because they love you or do they just let you make you own mistakes for the same reason?

I have never really thought that I had a great number of friends. But as I spent the afternoon and evening with what I would consider to be a new friend, I find myself reminiscing over the people who have passed in and out of my life. Will this new one be long or short term? Would knowing make any difference?

I truly have been blessed with so many friends in my life. Some I haven't seen in over a decade, but I think about them often. The ones that helped to get me through those gut wrenching high school and college years. Or the friends that I have grown to love that live so far away now. I miss you. You know who you are. Spanning age groups, they have been like salt and pepper making life much more palatable.

To all of the souls that have touched my life over the years, I say, "Thank you." Some of you have brought more grief than others, but I am grateful you were there to shape who I am today. Those of you with whom I am in contact... know that I love and cherish your friendship every day.

Take time to think about the people who might not be very close, but who have touched your life in some way. And remember to...

Keep it in perspective.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Hello all,

A word of warning. I have never done this type of thing before. Blogging, that is. It will be a work in progress as I learn more about this big scary world known as the internet and these pesky little things called computers. I can't guarantee any profound or earth shattering statements. I was never very good at English in High School. I may not post anything for days. I lead a very hectic life.

The only thing I can offer is simply...my perspective. You will be given little glimpses into the comings and goings of my life and my thoughts. I will share things that I find important to me as I take this journey through life. You are welcome along for the ride...or not.

My main goal is also going to be my theme...

Keep it in perspective.